Friday, July 2, 2010

Public Transportation

Has anyone else noticed how trying to be “green” sure feels like legitimately being poor?

I guess I can’t honestly complain, since the main reason I take part in public transportation isn’t to save the earth from global warming, ManBearPig, or whatever other looming apocalypses human day-to-day functions are causing, but because I am poor. No matter how much I like to pretend otherwise, my refrigerator is empty and my pantry consists of ramen noodles and cat food (because even if I can’t afford food for myself, those little fuckers have to eat).

Part of being green (or poor, whatever.) is this glorious thing known as public transportation. While there are a few different options available, they all pretty much suck.

First, there’s the ever popular bus or metro system. It sounds nice at first: air conditioning, seating, and will get you where you need to be rather quickly. But then the ugly side shows through.

Once you survive waiting for the damned thing in 100 degree heat (or the intense sprint you will be forced to complete if you are running late and therefore have to make a fool of yourself in front of everyone aboard by running like an idiot to catch a ride), consider yourself lucky if you can find an available seat that is not covered in piss or any other liquid. As the train/bus makes its way to your destination, you will no doubt begin to notice the usual victims of public transit:

From left to right:

Crying baby who may or may not have an adult present

Smelly homeless rock star

Head phone guy who apparently doesn’t understand what head phones are for because everyone on board can hear what he’s listening to, and it’s not pleasant

And a bimbo who won’t stop popping bubbles loudly with her gum


Another option is to ride a bike to and from your destination. This is a great choice because you can consider it a form of exercise for the day. Oh, and the wind on your face will feel pretty cool and you’ll finally realize why dogs stick their heads out of car windows.

PS: don’t try sticking your head out of a car window, no matter how good the wind feels. Cars go fast and it will hurt. Badly. You are not as badass as your dog.

However, in abiding by bicyclist rules of the road, you will be given a very small lane all to yourself. This sounds nice, but there are some drivers who just don’t think the standard sized car lane is wide enough, and will insist upon taking over part of your puny little bike lane as well.

Trucker Guy: “Nah, man. I think I need a bigger truck. This thing isn’t using up enough gas.”

If you don’t have a bike, and aren’t interested in obtaining one (even though they have some pretty cute/cheap ones at WalMart, which is where I got my cruiser for like $80), you always have the option of walking.

Walking may sound boring when it does not involve a mall, but trust me on this one: it’s pretty legit. Of course, you have to consider the distance to your destination, so walking may not be a good option for everyone. You will also want to find yourself an iPod or something similar because not only will you want to entertain yourself along the way, you’ll want to drown out this:

The sound of every Mexican (or any other ethnicity for that matter) man in a work truck honking and hollering at you, even if you look like crap and are not dressed in any way that would give them the idea that you would like to be hollered at. Now, I’m not from around here, so I don’t really know: are these guys just genuinely nice? Or are they actually trying to pick up chicks like this?



9 comments:

  1. lol way to make me laugh in DE :D I miss yo face Lacey Face Macgee!! This is awesome and extremely true! I always wondered that too honestly! If some guy yells at you from the car- what would he do if you yelled "Hey! That was a successful pick up line! Please come back and pick me up so we can have some awesome sex now!" Cause seriously... who doesn't like a wolf whistle?

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  2. Are you a professional cartoonist? I'm really in love with your drawings! They're so cute and awesome! What do you use to draw them? You know, aside from your hand? ;)

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  3. hahaha! public transportation is the best...not.
    at least it's better than being eaten by manbearpig. i'm cereal!

    also, i left you a blog award over here ----> http://trashrocktour.blogspot.com/2010/06/first-blog-award-you-like-me-you-really.html
    because your blog always makes me laugh :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Gnetch: no way am I a professional, haha but thanks! I use adobe illustrator.

    OMG OMG OMG!!! you guys are so awesome! I have never ever received a blog award before and here you come with TWO in the same day!! amazing. I will post about it soon.

    and I'm super cereal. ;)

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  5. HI, I found you on 20sb!
    Love your blog, I'm following.

    Check out mine if you'd like:
    http://onelittlemister.blogspot.com/
    Love meeting new people and reading their blogs!

    Other sites:
    Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/One-Little-Mister/135275423165652
    Twitter page: http://twitter.com/onelittlemister


    Nicole

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  6. We are always packed in like sardines in the train each morning and evening. It is difficult, but cheap.

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  7. This post made me laugh so much!!! I get those cat calls all the time when I'm walking. You know what's worse, when guys try to scare you by making you think they are going to run you over. They then speed away laughing, assholes.

    Lovely blog

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  8. I AM LOVING YOUR BLOG! Thank you so much for the nice words you said about me at Monday Mingle!! I'm definitely following! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your cartoons. And I don't understand the Mexican yellers. Apparently the women in Mexico like being hollered at.

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