Why I Hate/Love Surprises

Everyone loves surprises right? Not me. Of course I love being surprised. But I absolutely hate knowing that a surprise is coming my way. It’s like standing in front of a dark cave and hearing a growl – you never know what sort of animal could be making that noise and it’s scary, right? It could be a lion, or a little kitty cat, or even the echo of your hungry stomach.

Well, I guess not all of us can relate to this experience, so let me explain it with a story…

Breezy left for work Friday morning with a smile on his face. He told me that he got me a gift for our 5 year anniversary and it would be arriving soon.

“Don’t open it,” he ordered, and then proceeded to explain how I would most likely be mauled by a bear if the seal was somehow broken.

I figured I would be able to handle the suspense, and I even got some of my homework done… until the UPS guy came and delivered a huge box to my door. I was so excited I could barely contain myself.

“Do you know what’s inside?” I asked him giddily.

“No, don’t you?” he replied, looking at me like I probably shouldn’t be answering the door for strangers.

“No, it’s a surprise,” I told him with an enormous grin slicing across my face.

“Well, enjoy.” He nodded his head goodbye and took off for his truck, probably in fear for his own life. If I didn’t know what was inside and he didn’t know what inside, it could have been anything! And it could have been dangerous.

I tried to go back to my homework, but the box was calling to me, beating loudly from across the room like the Tell Tale Heart. I wanted to know what was inside. “What if it’s a puppy?” I asked myself. “I can’t make that poor puppy stay in there all day!” But then I remembered that Breezy told me I shouldn’t open it until he got home and I knew he wouldn’t keep a puppy in a box like that. Or would he? I was beginning to go mad.

Only a couple of hours in and I had gone to full Golem mode. I wanted what was inside that box, and I wanted it now! It was all I could think about.

My precious pleaded with me, but, as much as I wanted to reach over and shake it ever so slightly to feel the weight, I couldn’t bring myself any closer to it. If Breezy knew that I had opened the box he would never get me a surprise again! Plus, I was pretty sure he was joking about the bear, but if he wasn’t I’d be mauled on the spot! I wasn’t willing to risk it.

I made myself look (mostly) presentable for when Breezy got home (brushed my hair and wiped the drool off of my face), hoping he wouldn’t notice my previous embarrassing transformation.

Breezy made me close my eyes. This part really sucks because at this point I have no idea what’s going to happen to me. I could still be mauled by a bear. Or the puppy could jump out of the box and pee on my leg. Or the box could be empty and all of that stress could have been for nothing at all.

Or it could be …

A ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE SURPRISES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!