Saturday, May 1, 2010

No Parking

My shoulder has been killing me all day today. Alright, it's not literally killing me, no need to over exaggerate. But it hurts. It hurts so bad that I can barely move and I have found myself popping pain pills like Tic Tacs in order to stifle the pain. I am not positively sure what could be the cause of this crippling pain, but here is my pain killer induced theory. Enjoy.

I was at the airport dropping off my MoMo so that she could catch her flight back home, when all of a sudden...

A giant bear came out from around a car parked against the curb. It had blood dripping from its razor sharp teeth, deadly claws, and bloodshot eyes. It yelled angrily and clawed at the air, threatening to take off my face with each rage-filled swipe. MoMo and I screamed like little girls on the playground running from a cootie-covered boy who was trying to give out wet kisses.

The screaming only seemed to further piss off the giant bear, because he grabbed me by the shoulder and lifted me up into the air. He began shaking me like a Polaroid picture, only much more violently. So, I guess it was as if the bear was a part of Jigsaw's fucked up mind/death games in the movie Saw and the Polaroid contained the answer to the puzzle that would save his giant bear life.

Just when I thought my shoulder would be ripped off for sure...

The part-time airport security guard who thinks he's tough shit because he's wearing a uniform came running up and yelled at the bear. I was totally prepared to see him pull out a tranquilizer or a gun or something equally helpful in saving my life, and closed my eyes so that I wouldn't see the projectiles coming toward my face.

Instead he merely yelled, "Hey! You can't park here! This is pick up and drop off only! No parking!"

I opened my eyes. "You have got to be shitting me," I said aloud. My life was at a near end, and all this douche bag rent-a-cop could think of was to have me move my car?!

But then I was dropped to the ground and, upon dusting myself off and checking to make sure my shoulder was still attached to my body, I turned to see...

The bear get into his red pickup truck and drive off toward the East exit of the airport.

"Wow," I said to MoMo as I walked back up to the curb. "That rent-a-cop is good."

That is my theory on why my shoulder feels as though it has been ripped off - because it nearly was!
... Or I guess I could have just slept funny.


  1. haha he shook you like a Polaroid picture? lol

  2. Bears in this area are highly skilled in the ways of the Polaroid.

  3. I understood the polaroid picture reference! lol
    I love the doodle of airport makes me giggle! Heheheehe


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