Friday, May 14, 2010

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

From my experience living in dorms and apartments, I can confidently say that I've had my share of interesting neighbors. Yet, as much as I would like to say that Loud Sexer, Piano Playing Old Lady, or even Annoying Couple Who Chased Each Other Around On The Floor Above Me were bad, I have to say that my current neighbor tops them all.
I think this is a neighbor of whom even Mr. Rogers would disapprove, and here's why:

So there I am minding my own business (and harming none of my neighbors, might I add!),

when I begin to hear a loud thumping noise that seems to have no direction of origin, but is definitely enveloping my entire apartment in a fast heartbeat-like sensation. Not only could I hear the beat of the music being played below me, but I began to feel it (and not in the way that musicians need feel the music, either; it was more like the way a drum feels when its drummer angrily pounds out the fast part of the song and his drumsticks are moving so fast you can't even tell which drum he's actually hitting but somehow it still sounds awesome).
Hours went by and there seemed to be no end to the techno.

I began rolling around Emily Rose style, begging for death over techno.
I can handle some techno music, don't get me wrong, but this guy had succeeded in blasting his beats all day long, and well into the night. I wondered for hours what the hell he could possibly be doing that entire time.

I could only imagine this:

24/7 Rave.
Wrist bands.
Bright colors.
Fake orange tan.
Super low V-Neck exposing wiry chest hair.
Baby pacifiers.
Explosive patterns.
Short shorts.
Loud music.

By the time Breezy got home, I was lying lifeless in the living room, having been brutally murdered by the techno music that had invaded my soul.
Ok, so maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, seeing how my heart is still beating (even if the beat still causes me to act as if I am at a rave from time to time).


  1. haha I saw those crazies!
    ...If they lived in a house, we could teepee their techno loving asses. Sadly, we will have to resort to burning down their place. How soon do you think you can get the molotov cocktails ready? I just re-vamped my flame thrower, so I feel prepared to make this shit happen.

  2. next tym sumthin lyk dat happens...jus throw ur own lil party for ue friends...ul save money on dj..hehe...gr8 post though...:)

  3. haha I will definitely have to throw a party next time! and if that doesn't work I'll hit Brittany up for her molotovs.
    wait... if I burn down the apartment below me... won't my apartment be in danger?!

  4. If you're renting then you gotta tell your landlord. One time, my neighbor who was living in the room above mine was playing music so loud that I'd swear the stereo was in my room! I called the noise pollution authority and reported her. But it didn't do me any good since it wasn't 11p.m yet. Apparently, if your neighbors make unbearable noise after 11 at night then it'll be considered as a report. Ha!

    Anyway, either you talk to him or you talk to the owner of the place?

    By the way, following you back! Loving your doodles! ;p

  5. I think my neighbor from last year is your neighbor this year. I am sorry for this Karmic mistake. I will make a sacrifice to the gods and put in a good word for you.

  6. Thanks for stopping by, Johana! I have put in a few complaints to the office and the music has quieted (not silenced) so I guess it's a start.
    Pooks: thanks! I could use the gods on my side right about now.

  7. Oh, I had a neighbor like this and it was the absolute WORST! It felt like I was in a nightclub in my own living room. I'm so sorry. Maybe you could ask them nicely if they could tone it down? Ugh. Good luck!


  8. Haha, this is my first visit to your blog. You are hilarious!!

  9. lol Lacey you have the best metaphors " can't tell which drum he is beating but it still sounds awesome" Also I love that you over exaggerate it is pretty much one of my fave pastimes.


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