Saturday, April 10, 2010

When Nyquil Goes Bad

As most of us know, Nyquil is a miracle drug of sorts. Whatever your ailment, a flimsy plastic cup full of the mystery syrup can put you to sleep and help you forget that you were ever suffering. This, however, is not a story of how Nyquil's powers have saved some poor soul from suffering, but nearly the opposite. Enjoy.

Allow me to quickly preface this incredibly crazy true story with some little-known information about Breezy, my life partner…

Breezy suffers from a usually harmless but hilarious affliction known as sleepwalking. says that“sleepwalkers arise from the slow wave sleep stage in a state of low consciousness and perform activities that are usually performed during the day”,and then goes on to list some of the random activities in which sleepwalkers like to participate.

Some of Breezy’s favorite sleepwalking past times include:

raiding the fridge (his zombie-like brain convinced that leftover Chinese takeout should be mixed with mayonnaise)

and pissing on random objects throughout our apartment (which, in his sleepwalking state, he believes to be bushes or trees).

Now for the crazy part…

One night I was feeling rather ill. Coughing and coughing until my throat was raw and hurty, I begged Breezy to drive to the store and get me some Nyquil. I told him to get the good stuff because I was convinced that my brutish cough would keep me awake through the night.

I decided to take a double dose of the Nyquil, hoping beyond all hope that I would get some rest.

Out of his slow wave sleep stage and into the bathroom came Breezy like a zombie hunting for brains.

He took the cap off and began guzzling what he thought to be the best Coke he’d ever guzzled, but, in reality, was the Nyquil that had successfully knocked me the fuck out.

Upon waking up from his sleep-drinking, Breezy discovered the empty Nyquil bottle in his hands, tasted the paralyzing not-so-cherry flavor on his lips, and solved the mystery of “Who the hell drank all the Nyquil?” in a matter of seconds.

After checking the all-knowing internet to be sure that the specific type of Nyquil he ingested wouldn’t be the death of him, Breezy went back to bed. He intended to go back to sleep, but night demon monsters (either hallucinations from the overdose of Nyquil or the actual demons that come out at 3:00am like in Emily Rose, I’m not sure) appeared and started climbing onto the bed

Breezy frantically shook me out of my Nyquil-induced coma to tell me everything that was happening. I noticed his blood shot eyes, but the night demon monsters were nowhere to be found. My own eyes burned as the Nyquil tried to pull me back into my happy coma.

I wanted to help Breezy fend off the night demon monsters, I really did. But I was losing an epic battle of my own; the Nyquil had successfully pulled me back under, and I would not be able to help.

Breezy was better in the morning… mostly.


  1. hehe I love it!!! This Freckled Lemonade? LOVE!!

  2. Thanks Brittany!!! Yeah, to go with my freckles and my insatiable love for strawberry lemonade :) plus, it made for a pretty cool doodle for the top of the page :D

  3. Lacey I have a love hate relationship with you all of a sudden. I love that you are so freaking creative and makes me cream my pants for you..but I also hate it because I feel highly inadequate. I do believe I am no longer good enough to hang out with you, you're super talents in drawing and writing have outdone anything that I could possibly bring to the table.

    However, I will still hang out with you to make myself feel cool. I can't get rid of me that easy. Despite what you thought. Nice try though.

    I heart you a bunch.

  4. AHAHAHA THANKS SHANNON!!! The Best Comment Ever Award goes to YOU! See, you are not inadequate after all!
    I'm so glad you think I have "super talents", and I am also glad that you have chosen to stick around.

    I would be nothing without you.


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