Every day on campus I see people who inspire me… to doodle about them. Here are a few of the more noteworthy people that I have come across, what I imagine them saying to me if they were to introduce themselves, and my hypothetic reaction.
I mean, come on! At least have enough personality to find a less played out clothing brand into which to stuff those pecks. And, no, Ed Hardy would not be any better. I love a guy with some muscular definition, but your boobs are bigger than mine. Lay off the ’roids, dude. Then maybe your trashy shirt would actually fit you.
Thank you for reminding me of my own damnation. It’s always nice to hear about my inevitable eternal suffering on my way to class. However, I believe your Christ that you are shouting about spoke of acceptance and loving your neighbor. I’m not positive (I wasn’t there when he walked) but I’m pretty sure he welcomed sinners with open arms, not loud, condemning hatred.
Ok, I totally understand your need to express yourself. I share this need with you. In fact, if I’m being perfectly honest, this blog has turned into a form of self expression for me (My thanks go to B Squared for putting the idea in my head!). BUT: You are in Arizona. It’s fucking hot outside, and I’m half naked in an effort to beat the heat. How are you not being cooked from the inside? You’re making me sweat just by looking at you; that can’t possibly be comfortable. Couldn’t you express yourself in a more practical way? A black bracelet perhaps? Take a shower and change into something more suitable for your climate. Or go to Washington with all the sun-avoiding vampires.
Gross. Nobody wants to see that on their way to class. How long are you even going to be separated? An hour? A few hours? Big deal, I’m sure a short peck and a romantic “goodbye, my love” would suffice. And seriously, Juliet, if you’re that sexually attracted to your Romeo right now, just give him a handy. At least that would be more entertaining for those of us who have to walk by the two of you – you don’t get to see that every day!
It’s OK honey, we understand your intense need for sexual attention. We just don’t appreciate being winked at by your asshole every time you bend over. Have some dignity, cover your twat, and try to win some guys with your shining personality instead. Or maybe just get a boob job.
You are my least favorite of all people on campus. Slow the fuck down. I feel like I’m going to turn into road kill every single time I hear you whizzing by me. One of these days I’m going to carry a baseball bat in my purse and do to you what rowdy teenagers do to mailboxes where I come from. That’ll slow you down a bit, won’t it? And take off those stupid 90’s sunglasses. You look like a douche bag.
Those are just a few of my observations while walking on campus. Perhaps someday there will be a second installment?