Thursday, September 30, 2010

Don't Honk if You're Horny

So, I know that I’ve talked about this issue at least once before, but it continues to be such a problem, in (my) daily life, that I felt the need to discuss the issue once again – only this time I’m going further in depth.

As a female pedestrian, I am at the risk of experiencing unwanted honks from random drivers, or – worse! – the disgusting lean-out-the-window-and-holler/blow-a-kiss. Now, I know that you might be thinking that there are more important issues (like the Ground Zero community center, the state of the U.S. economy, our immigration policy, the drug cartels, net neutrality, or any number of potential political candidates, whose signs are plastered all over my beautiful city like a plague, and why they are the messiah and/or the anti-christ) about which we could be talking, but, I assure you, this is a pressing matter.

As I am forced to experience this frenzied, testosterone influenced, honking phenomenon nearly every day that I walk to the train, I have repeatedly asked the question: “Why are these random people honking at me, and what is their motive?” I guess I’m also asking this one: “What is their major malfunction?!”

Oh, and before I get further into this, I have to say “No worries (Mom)!” because I never feel endangered in any way by these honking not-so-secret admirers; it’s merely an issue of annoyance and, frankly, confusion.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, I have created an outline (with pictures) which shows the most likely reason for and process of the “honk”. Enjoy. 







 There he is: the perpetrator. He is minding his own business, trying to get from point A to point B, whilst drowning his daily sorrows in the best of the 80’s, 90’s, and today, though it appears he would more likely enjoy classic rock… but he knows this song… You know he knows this song, and he knows he knows this song! 
There she is: the victim. Skipping joyously to her destination… or slowly dragging her feet because, even though it’s nearly October, it’s hot and, like my Daddy would say, she’s sweatin’ like a whore in church. 


The perp spots his victim. Drool forms at the corners of his mouth as he goes into a rabid state, his need to address the victim’s beauty outwardly rising from his toes to the back of his throat like wildfire.
I am not exactly sure if the wildfire thing works in this situation, but stay with me here; I needed a comparison and that was the first thing to pop into my head, since my head has been swimming with thoughts of Panem and Katniss Everdeen for the past three days (and NO commenting about the end of the third book! Give me time to finish!)…
Back to my rant.


I think this one is self explanatory.


Honk!

At this point, the driver is satisfied, knowing that his compliment has been well received.


 At the same time, the girl feels outright degraded – singled out by the disgusting display of chauvinistic misogyny. 

This is the kind of small-scale terrorism that leads to bra burnings and inter-office law suits; Breezy says I just need to learn how to take a compliment.



15 comments:

  1. I'm going to guess that guys that do that probably aren't listening to the Dawson's Creek song. They are probably listening to the Thong Song.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hate when people honk their horns-- it scares me. Why any guy would think honking his car horn at a woman is an acceptable way to ask for a date is beyond me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It annoys me too! Sometimes, they will even make eye contact with you. So creepy. And get this: I don't only get it from truck drivers. I also get it from construction workers (but they yell "Hi, miss!" instead of honking). It disturbs me sometimes because I think I only have that kind of appeal to creeps. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for the laugh! I just spit out my coffee! The first picture and the second to last just killed me! Too funny :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. So true Lacey! I too hate the honk-- one of these days you should flag down a honker and tell him you reciprocate his feelings and if only you too had a horn with which to express your love- you could be together!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "she’s sweatin’ like a whore in church" - your dad has some wise words!!
    LOVE this post! honking is definately a serious issue! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Billy: you're right! he definitely knows that song, too.
    Tsaritsa: is that what they're doing? It seems like a pretty lazy pick-up line. at least the guys at the bar are creative.
    Gnetch: I know exactly what you mean, but I think maybe these creepy guys just have no shame.
    Sara: I'm so glad I could make you laugh :)
    Brittany: Breezy says he'll buy me a car horn if I'm truly interested.
    Nadiine: my dad is definitely wise :)

    Thank you all for the comments!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your cartoons are soo cute and guys who honk when they drive by are the same douches who grabbed your ass in the bar and they are so annoying.

    Letters-Unsealed
    SuckyPeopleSuck

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yep, I love this post. Guys who honk are dumb.

    ReplyDelete
  10. lol love your blog just found it when i was stalking another friends blog (giddy fingers) and she had your awesome site on her blog roll
    I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me (the degrading cat calls out the window) worse is when they pull over and ask you if you want a ride and your all like' um what do i look like a prostitute?' and their all like 'uh yeah'
    *frowny face* check mate!
    i guess having them stick their gross faces out the window like a dog while yelling their awesome pick up lines is better than having them wave their limp penises out the window at you..especially if they are like 90...gross! *shaking head with perturbed look on my face*
    anyways, love your blog and am looking forward to reading more from you...I am now following you and adding your awesomeness to my blog roll to i can stalk all your posts!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Is it ok if I drive by you and lean out my window yell "YEAH GIRL GET SOME!!!! YOU SO HAWT!" Thats ok right? :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL, this blog is funny...

    follow my blog @ amberlashell.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. now she know she pretty girl...fucking love it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I can assure you this just isnt in US it happens over here in the UK all the time. More so now uni started again, i always jump when they honk but we get oi oi sexy or hello girls how much its a bit off putting but funny at the same time!

    hillarious little comic strip love it:)

    ellie-jay.blogspot.com
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. AFon: thank you! And you are totally right, except for when it's a guy at a bar I can punch him for being obnoxious. These guys just drive off into the distance to harass someone else.
    Patricia: yay! I love giddy fingers! It sounds like you have had your share of disturbing drivers! I have yet to see an actual penis, but I'm not exactly waiting in anticipation...
    Shannanigans: I would be more offended if you didn't do that. Oh and then do a uturn and give my lazy ass a ride! Haha
    Amber & Paige: thank you!!!
    Ellen: "how much?" Really? Reeeaaalllyyy? Come on, guys! Not all pretty pedestrians are for hire.

    ReplyDelete

you know you want to.

Related Posts with Thumbnails