Thursday, September 2, 2010

Things We Shouldn't Have to Deal with in 2010

So, I know that I said I’d share some stories from my trip back home –I have some good ones! – but I’m feeling rather ranty lately, so I am going to complain about some things right now and share some funny stories a little later. Plus, I wrote this while I was home, so it kind of counts.

If you haven’t noticed yet, it’s the year 2010. Humans have made it through the first decade of the 21st century, which is supposedly the century in which the TV show The Jetsons took place. Now, I’m not complaining that we don’t have flying cars and robots named Rosie to clean up after us, but a little evolution would be nice. I have comprised a short list of things that I believe we should be past by now. Enjoy.

Condensation: Everyone has been there before, casually attempting to take an innocent drink, when from the bottom of the cup falls several water droplets, which demonically find their way to your crotch and stay there. It’s humiliating because it gives the impression that you have pissed yourself at worse and makes it look like you have what Breezy would call “The Dot” at best. 

One would think that with a society so advanced that vice presidents are getting robotic organs that the common people would at least get a condensation-free cup of some sort.

A most necessary divergence from the main topic of this doodle:
For all of the females out there who don’t know what I’m talking about by “The Dot”, it seems that men’s bathroom rules and occurrences often times involve a small amount of urine on your person. You see, since there is no toilet paper next to any given urinal (a luxury which, apparently, us women take for granted), they are often stuck having to think of creative ways to dry their peckers. My Daddy used to sing a song that goes something like, “to prove you’re a man, you must wipe with your hand,” but I don’t think that option goes over too well with the ladies, and I think he may have been singing about wiping something else... Anyway, another choice would be to “shake it”, but I have been told by multiple sources that shaking it three times or more is basically giving yourself a handy, and most people don’t condone public masturbation. So, when two shakes just don’t cut it, men are sometimes left with straggling drops bleeding their way through unsuspecting trousers. This is most noticeable when wearing khakis, as pictured below.

Satellite TV: I don’t even have cable, let alone satellite TV, because I watch all of my TV online, but while I was home I had the displeasure of experiencing this lame form of entertainment. Not only are you given a shit-ton of channels with nothing of interest on to watch, when there actually is something besides infomercials, progressive commercials, or Married with Children reruns, the signal goes out. Though satellites know no boundaries when it comes to traumatizing their users and will go out during any kind of weather, the issues are most problematic on rainy, cloudy, disgusting days – the perfect days for watching TV.

Squeezy Bottle Fart Noises: In addition to being a leading cause of embarrassment and trauma for people on first dates and twelve year old girls, squeezy bottle fart noises are a major annoyance to literally everyone. This is especially true when I’m trying to tell Breezy about this awesome idea that I have for a doodle that’s about things we shouldn’t have to deal with in 2010 and he is more concerned with smothering his pork in Sweet Baby Ray’s, even though the bottle is empty, and the nearly deafening fart noises coming from the bottle are covering up all of the good parts of my idea.


  1. OMG! The fart noises!!! It's too embarrassing. It also happens with shampoo bottles. It happened to me once when I was in the shower. My mom had a visitor who happened to be standing near our bathroom and heard the fart noises. I mean, really! I had to wait for her to leave before I got out of the bathroom. :)

  2. Hehe. As always, I love your cartoons. And it's so true - you'd think that in a society this advanced, bottles wouldn't fart anymore.

  3. lol! You crack me up Lacey. I love the one about TV! I feel like TV should be way more advanced than it is. Like we should just be downloading TV shows to our big screens by now or something. Also TV's should be touch screens by now, I feel like. hahaha anyway- you are genius as always.

  4. Things we shouldn't have to deal with in 2010? I'm going to say.................old people. Wait did I just say that? =P

  5. Um, freaking awesome. And yeah! Why do we have to deal with such petty annoyances in this advanced society? Someone should get on that.

  6. thanks for enlightening me on the ways of the urinals! hehe :)

  7. How about rain in general? Well, not rain, because we need that if we want to eat food that grows out of the ground, but shouldn't there be something more advanced than the umbrella and raincoat? I mean, how long has it been since those were invented? Does anyone actually stay dry with either of those things? Let's brainstorm, people.

  8. OMG! I can't believe it took me so long to read this post, it is absolutely hilarious! I love you so much. One thing that annoys me is styrofoam and cardboard cups, they need to be destroyed all together. If I go out to eat, I am instantly pissed off when I receive one of the two types of cups. They are wet and I am always tempted to chew on them, well mainly the stryofoam but nonetheless it is annoying!!!! GRRR haha. I <3 you!

  9. I love the expression on the guy listening to the squeeze bottle. Hee!

  10. I can't believe I never responded to these comments! I usually see my comments on my cell phone, but can't respond until I'm back on my laptop, so I apologize big time!

    Gnetch: yes, shampoo bottles, too!!! showers should make you feel clean, not dirty.

    Lauren: thank you :)

    Shananigans: you are so right. and smell-o-vision!

    Billy: are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting? have you read The Giver? omg. so crazy. the elderly are "released"...

    Skywaitress, Sara, & Pooks: thank you!

    Boston: you are on to something!

    B.MO: I <3 you too! and I used to know someone who was afraid of styrofoam lol...

    Kate: Thanks!


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