Thursday, October 7, 2010

It's The Shit

I am not sure why it's there, or even how it first originated, but it's been there for as long as I can remember. I can even remember it being at my parent's house when I was young, and somehow it has followed me to my own grown-up home, where it will probably stay for the rest of my life, no matter how many times I move to a new place.

Though it is consistent, it is always changing. It comes in many forms, has differing content, but it haunts me all the same.

In my family, we usually refer to it as “The Shit”. A common form of The Shit is its distant cousin, The Shit Drawer, and then of course there is its embarrassing uncle, The Pile.

I mean, at least The Shit Drawer has enough courtesy to keep The Shit inside, hidden from guests; The Pile has no decency at all as it shows off its existence to anyone within viewing range, no doubt making them think awful things about me and my organizational skills.

The Pile is easy to get rid of at first - hang up clean clothes, wash the dirty ones - but make no mistake! The Pile will return, and it might even bring reinforcements. You may have won the battle, but you have not won the war. You will never win the war.

In fact, here is a chart which I have created to represent your chances of winning the war against The Pile:

A rich person has a slight chance of winning because they can hire maids to fight their battles for them. The rest of us, however, probably have a negative chance of winning; no matter how hard we fight it, we just get deeper and deeper into a war which cannot be won.

In my opinion, The Shit Drawer holds the most random contents of all the forms of The Shit. Piles take on the contents of their surroundings. For example, The Pile on the foot of my bed is full of clothes because it's near the closet, and The Pile on my desk is filled with papers because I suck at organizing bills and such. The Shit Drawer may be in the kitchen, but you wouldn't know it by merely observing the items inside.

Here are some highlights from mine:

Colorful pipe cleaners

Mace (in case I'm being attacked in the kitchen? I think at that point I'd probably just go for the butcher knife or a heavy pan...)

A fortune cookie

A butterfly knife (I’m not sure what this is for either; the only time I have ever seen it used is when Breezy is seemingly attempting to chop off his fingers in a karate-like fashion)

Now, for your homework assignment:

What's in your Shit Drawer?


  1. calculator, pens, expired coupons, a hammer, broken tap dispenser, thumb tacks, and a broken pair of sunglasses....thats what in mine but in my house we called it the junk drawer and its rightful thrown was in the kitchen by the phone hahah. Also, you are sooo right we will never win the war against the pile....cause he cheats (by being so damn convenient!)

  2. LMAO Well aren't you random? I'm so anal so I don't have a Shit Drawer or The Pile. My fiance most definitely has The Pile which I've organized. You won't believe the things he has there!

    There's an antique coin, a hammer, old phone chargers, love letters *coughs*, high school photos and some other random crap. :))

    I found you on 20 Something Bloggers and Surreptitious Saturdays. :)

  3. Um, butterfly knives are illegal in the US. It would be super cool if you would visit my blog where I have just recently incorporated drawings that look like they were done by a 1st grader.

  4. So can I just say that Dean has like 17 shit drawers in our house? If you were trying to find sex toys in our bedroom for some reason, you'd probably open the nightstand drawers right? Well, you'd a ripped in half five dollar bill, business cards, cds, pens, knives, tools, coins, and well, you probably would find a sex toy.

  5. Hahaha... this is amazing!!! I tend to have a shit car... my car is filled to the brim with jewellery, make up, mail, change, work documents,pens, clothing, empty cans of red bull and everything else imaginable!

  6. I don't have shit drawers anymore. I bought a few "shoebox" plastic tubs. There are currently four of them in my closet....and they have lots of crap in them....I am too lazy to look for you. =p

    Also, I love your blog, but the way you CENTER all your paragraphs drives me CRAZY!!!

  7. Alyse: he IS convenient! tricky ass hole.

    Toni: I may need you to come organize my pile as well. I envy your pile-attacking skills.

    Jay: it depends on the size and qualities of the knife, and in most cases it's fine as long as you're not carrying it in public.

    Shannon: hahahaha remind me not to go rummaging through drawers in your house :)

    Elle: YES! my last car was a shit car as well. I would have to go from school to an internship to coaching cheerleading and then to work (all of which required different outfits, of course!) so I pretty much had a dressing room in the back seat.

    Catherine: organization win! I am proud of you :) and it seems as if our OCDs are at odds, because if I didn't center them it would drive ME crazy! haha


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