Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Procrastination at Its Finest

So... the giveaway has come to an end! I put all contestant names into a random line picker (email me if you would like more information on that) and the winner has been notified via the email provided to me (CONGRATS, April!!!). 
ALSO: if any other bloggers out there would like to host a giveaway with csn stores, email me and I can get you set up with some info :)

Thank you to all who participated! Your pictures have been posted for all to see on the facebook page! (Mostly so that I can show them off because I love them all so much!!!) And special thanks and apologies to Pooks for submitting a picture, even though my gmail account wrongfully considered her email a piece of spam and hid it from me so that I didn’t see it until this morning :( I love you mucho and will make this up to you by going to Cupz and having a coffee date with you in the near future.

To those who didn't participate: shame on you. JUST KIDDING! I understand that you all lead busy non-doodling lives (and some of you were outside of the shipping area) and I thank you for reading anyway! I also hope that you will consider participating next time - as I'm sure I will do something like this again because I really liked getting those pictures!

Now, for my new post! I am so stoked that this is my last semester of actual college classes for a while, but it is sure taking its toll on me. Essay after essay after stupid pointless essay that doesn't prove that I learned anything from my classes, only that I'm good at googling some things and bullshitting the rest... they have all added up to this post:

Drum roll please…

How to Write a College Paper:

I have had my share of undergraduate classes, and if there is anything that I have learned in my time working toward my degree, it's how to write a college paper. I'm going to share my wisdom with you now for a minimal fee. That fee is a nonrefundable moment of your time.

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that you all know that - no matter how much time you are given to write the paper - you must always begin writing it no earlier than the day/night before it is due. (I am not sure what happens if you attempt to write the paper earlier, but it must be horrible because no one ever does it.)

1. Facebook.
As soon as you get to your computer, you must first log in to your Facebook account and check to see of you have any new notifications. You may also stalk people via the News Feed, but it is not always necessary because we all know that the News Feed page is usually littered with useless information about people we barely know in the first place and their constant bragging about their mediocre lives in an effort to make them seem less mediocre (but, hey, it's more convenient than reading a newspaper, and I never have to watch sports because the highlights and scores are always posted by at least 30 people).

2. Open Microsoft Word.
Once you are comfortable with your Facebook check, minimize the page and open a new Word document. Put your name, class, and date in the header and, if you're feeling frisky, add a title. Save it, just in case your computer crashes or a bear climbs though your window, steals your laptop from you, exits out of Word, and gives your laptop back while laughing/growling with excitement over his little prank.

3. Check Email.
Minimize the document and open your email account in a new window so that you're not tempted to check Facebook, but you can still access your browser. Delete all spam, but not before laughing at all of the "hey baby", "free viagra samples", and "male enhancement" subject lines you see. Read all of those inspirational forwarded emails from Mom that you never really have time to read but decide to save for later. Become inspired. Email Mom, thanking her for the email and letting her know what you have been up to lately.

4. Open Word Document.
Realize that you have just wasted half an hour (or more, if you're a champ!) of paper writing time and promptly sign out of email. Write two-three paragraphs.

5. Be Filled with a False Sense of Accomplishment.

6. Facebook.
Notice the Facebook tab telling you about a new notification and check it out. See that it was just someone you don't know commenting on your friend's status, which you "liked" earlier, even though you knew you'd get these notifications later. Sigh and exit Facebook.

7. Snack Time.
You've been working hard, and your stomach knows it. Vicious roars are erupting from your belly and it won't stop until a sandwich has been made and eaten.
OPTIONAL: watch some TV while you eat because you can't type and eat at the same time, anyway.

8. Notice the Time and Begin Panicking!

9. Power Through.
Quickly BS your way through the rest of the required number of pages, being sure to restate the same point in varying ways, add unnecessary words or phrases to take up space, and change the font size of your periods to 14pt - if you're using 12pt for the rest of your paper - because it will go unnoticed and add nearly an entire page to your paper, depending on the current length.

10. Facebook.
Post a status about how you just made that paper your bitch.


  1. hahahaha!! LOVE it!! best advice I've gotten on how to write a paper ;) I've totally done most of that!! great post lady :D

    P.S.-nice Never Ending Story doodle :)

  2. haha this is great, as I have written many a college paper in my day too, I agree (although back in my day we checked myspace, I know i'm old) with you 100%... great post!


  3. Procrastination at its finest indeed! This is precisely what my paper writing experiences are like!

  4. April- I'm so glad you noticed the Never Ending Story reference!! ATTTTRRRREEEEYYYYYUUUUUUU!!!!! :D

    Amber- ohhhh MySpace :) no worries, I remember those days as well!

    Catherine- I'm glad you can relate!

    Thanks for the comments guys! :D

  5. The Never Ending Story pic just made me crack up!
    This is so true- it makes me sad lol Oh college...

  6. That is so true. You can also add Twitter and/or blogging onto the list. That's how I tend to procrastinate when writing a paper. I'll blog instead of writing what I NEED to be writing. :P

  7. We are totally the same. I did that in college as well. And I still procrastinate at work.

    Great minds!

  8. lol- luuuuv this post. you had me at "and if you're feeling frisky, add a title." wheneven i think about how fun school was, i just remind myself of these last minute freak-the-fuck-out sessions. the nostalgia quickly disappears.

    extra drool points for the drawing of Falcor. <3

  9. YES! This is how I wrote the majority of my term papers when I was in high-school. I'm the queen of procrastination!

  10. Hahahaha omg this is EXACTLY what I do every single time lol. I've been going with this style since high school :P

    Loooove your blog♥ I'm following you :D


  11. Christina: totally. I write/doodle ALL. THE. TIME. especially when I'm bored, and I'm usually bored when I'm trying to do homework. grr. never ending cycle.

    ps. I should be writing a 2 pager right now. not difficult, right? I'm 1 page in and can't focus. fml.


    candy apples: THANK YOU for loving and following!!!

    double ps: I was actually a really good student in high school, I have no idea where/when I went downhill. somewhere between my academic standing being wrapped up in a measly extra rope around my neck at graduation and the fact that I still had to pay for college. fml again.

  12. ha ha! Facebook always gets us into trouble :)

  13. Stopping by for Mingle Monday. However, found your blog to be refreshing and very clever. Much enjoyment. Will return for future laughs.

  14. Hello from Mingle Monday! You're blog is so, so cute! And I can totally relate to your paper-writing process! In fact, I'm currently going through that for a law school memo I have due on Friday. :)


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