First Love Hurts

Ah, recess... Those were the days, weren’t they?

Playing chicken on jungle gyms, climbing up slides backwards, standing on the bars of the merry-go-round while our friends spun us round and round, and swinging high on the swings to see how far we could jump off... all the thrilling and adventurous activities that our teachers constantly yelled at us for doing.

I remember one recess in particular in which I was doing just that – trying to jump off of the swing set. I loved the way the wind rushed across my face as I gained speed and height, how I felt weightless as I let go and soared through the air, and how my feet would sting as I made the perfect landing in the sand. I already had the furthest jump in my class, but I had been practicing at home and I was prepared to land the best jump known to the entire second grade; I pumped harder in anticipation.

Then, from out of nowhere, some little red-haired kid came over and sat on the swing next to me. He started telling me how cute I was and fucking with my concentration. I tried to ignore him. After all, I was only a few leg pumps away from reaching my highest swing yet.

But that little asshole wouldn’t leave me alone. He pumped his legs and got to where he was swinging in synch with my swing! I could feel the swing set move ever so slightly from the force, and to make matters worse, he started professing his love for me through his ability to sing the Boys II Men song, “I Swear”!!! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a guy that can sing just like any girl, but this kid was really starting to piss me off.

A teacher blew her whistle, signaling the end of recess and I couldn’t focus on my jump, so I decided that the best jump known to the entire second grade would have to wait for the next recess. I dug my feet into the sand and came to a stop. When I got off of my swing, that little red-haired kid was waiting for me. He asked me to be his girlfriend and said that we should swing together during the next recess. I was so pissed. Not only did that little asshole ruin my morning recess, but he had plans to ruin my afternoon recess as well! I did the only thing I could think of.

I pushed him down.

Then I skipped back into the school, thinking of how awesome afternoon recess would be without that red-haired douche bag trying to fuck it all up.