Winner, winner; I want dinner.

Beep… beep… beep… and now, please enjoy an update from moi.

I have so many important things to tell you all! So now, in order of how I randomly decide to type them, here are some announcements:

Special Important Announcement #1:

Apparently there was some sort of contest on this here blog, and one of my lovely followers won a $45 gift card to CSN stores! That lovely follower is Sharon! Congrats, and enjoy!

Thank you to all who participated this time around, and special-brownie-points-powered thanks to Jay for submitting a doodle! I will get this up on the fb page soon :)

That kind of sounded like the points are coming from special brownies. I cannot confirm nor deny this.

Special Important Announcement #3:

This has been one crazy and stressful semester, but I am DONE!!! Only one semester left, and I’ll have that purty degree I’ve been working for :)

Special Important Announcement #17:

I got another blog award!!! This one is the Chupacabra Award for Excellence, and it’s from my bloggy friend, Gnetch. Her blog is bomb, and you should totally check it out. Right now.

 

There are no rules for this award, so I’m making up my own because I think I’ve earned it.

1.      If you are viewing this award on my blog right now,

and you think you’re pretty legit, raise your hand.

2.      If you raised your hand, you are awesome for 

obeying me and this blog award is for you.

3.      Only 3 of you are allowed to receive this award,

so commence the fighting.

4.      Ok, I lied; I have no way of tracking how many people

do take the award, so there is no limit.

5.      If you take the award and put it up on your blog, 

you have to make up your own rules

(because it’s kind of fun).

Special Important Announcement #K:

I think that I may have come across as too much of a winter-lover in my last post, so here’s a doodle that should make up for it.

Eff you, Winter. I'm in the desert, and you can't get me here.

Special Important Announcement #I Stopped Counting:

I’m hungry, so I’m going to get some food. Yes, I know it’s 10:30pm, but I am officially on winter break, so don’t judge me. 

Another Giveaway!!!

In celebration of This Freckled Lemonade passing the 100 follower mark, I think it’s time for another giveaway, and my friends over at CSN Stores have offered up another $45 gift card to one of my lucky followers! As you know from my last giveaway with CSN Stores, this is only for those of you in the US and Canada. Sorry, international friends, but someday I will do a giveaway so that you all can participate.

In case you don’t remember, or weren’t following This Freckled Lemonade when I had the last giveaway, CSN Stores has over 200 websites where you can find everything – from cookware, to shoes, to TV stands for flat screens for that new addition to the den!

I’m going to change up the rules this time around, because I like change. So, here are the rules.

To enter, you must do two things:

1.      be a follower of This Freckled Lemonade either on Blogger with Google Friend Connect (located on the right side of the page) or by liking the Facebook page (link located on the right side of the page)

2.      send an email to thisfreckledlemonade@gmail.com (using the email address where you would like to be contacted if you win) saying that you would like to enter the giveaway and telling me your favorite (or least favorite) part about winter/the holiday season.

That’s it! 

However, since I loved your pictures from last time, you can get an additional entry by drawing me a doodle of your choice (using computer software or free-hand, whatever you prefer) and sending it to me in a separate email. You may draw multiple doodles if you want, but you will only receive one additional entry… and brownie points. 

So everyone has the chance to get two entries!!!

IMPORTANT: I’m only going to give you guys until 

Thursday, December 16^th 

to get your entries in, so get to it! I will be announcing the winner one week from today!

In an attempt to persuade you into making me a doodle, I made one for you.

Good Luck!!!

Some Boundaries

My posts have been very few and far between these days, but I don’t really like that saying, so I’m going to change that. 

My posts are as rare as an attractive mullet lately. I bow at your feet and beg for your forgiveness. I have been super-duper busy and stressed out in regards to school and other things lately, but let me tell you something: I have NOT been too busy to notice that I now have over 100 FOLLOWERS!!! This is me:

Do you guys have any idea how many people that actually is? I am not sure if I do. While trying to wrap my mind around this huge number, I got to thinking: if you were all literally following me around all the time, that would get kind of weird. So, I’m thinking that, since our relationship has just risen to a whole new level, we need to set some boundaries and maybe even come up with a safe word for if things get too serious.

First: the boundaries

Now, I don’t mind if you guys are following my blog – in fact, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE that you are following my blog! Follow it some more, if you’d like! And bring your friends! But, when you step out of the blogosphere and into my world and start following me around, here are some places where you probably shouldn’t follow me. Maybe you should bring a book or a magazine or something and just wait for me outside.

The bathroom.

I know that you are all interested in what goes on while I’m in there, so let me just say that I am currently using Aussie’s 3 minute miracle on my hair, and that’s about all you need to know. Besides the fact that you probably shouldn’t be following my naked self around, having 100 people in my tiny bathroom would just be insane. Elbows would be everywhere! Someone would be standing on my toilet, and I’m sure they’ll break the seat off and then I’ll have to buy a new one. It’s best if you just wait outside, and I guess maybe hand me a towel if I need one.

The elevator.

First of all, you have to understand that I loathe elevators on their own, so you should not take this personal. I would much rather take the stairs, as riding in elevators makes me uncomfortable. The only fun part is when the elevator first takes off and starts going down, jump as high as you can! You’ll feel weightless and it is totally awesome.

Next, there is the fact that I am pretty claustrophobic. This probably stems from playing hide and seek at a sleepover when I was a kid and accidentally locking myself in my friends upstairs closet. Nevertheless, stick me in an elevator and add a shit-ton of people, and I’m checking out. Plus, one of you will probably fart and make it all smelly and hard to breathe.

These boundaries should be good for now.

THANK YOU ALL FOR FOLLOWING!!! : )

p.s. the safeword is always onomatopoeia... 

and you have to spell it. 

The Drive - Thru

I apologize for being so busy lately that my poor, poor, blog has been put on the back burner. It kills me more than it kills you, though I am sure you have all been distraught and waiting impatiently for a new post. It kills me more, though, because I haven’t had any time to doodle lately – even the margins of my notebooks are nearly bare – and life without doodling is a sad life, indeed.

What have I been doing instead? I’m glad you asked. I have had my head in such cripplingly interesting books as “School Law for Teachers” and “Pronunciation Contrasts in English”, among other things that are necessary steps in this whole degree process. Now, I can see in your eyes that you are all severely jealous right now, but let me tell you something: you shouldn’t be. 

All of this concentration and thinking requires fuel, amiright? So I have spent a good amount of time in drive-thru lines (mostly ordering coffee to keep my exhausted eyes open), and I have realized something: I hate the drive-thru! And, of course, I am going to tell you why.

Before I get into my formal complaint, let me first inform you that I am a very credible source on this specific topic, because I used to work in a drive-thru! I worked at the McDonald’s in my hometown from my freshman to my senior year of high school, so you could think of me as an insider. Now I know you're jealous.

First of all, this job is NOT that hard. It’s simple. Take the customer’s order quickly and accurately, take the customer’s form of payment and give change (if needed), and then give the customer the food. Simple. There are other people who are designated to actually make and package the food, so you do not have to worry about that.

Now, I guess I should mention that I am AWESOME, if you haven’t noticed this already, so what seems simple to my advanced brain might not be that easy for some. However, I used to get compliments all the time while working in the drive-thru. Some would tell me that my voice was like angels singing from the balcony of Heaven – well, at least that I had a “good and clear voice” while taking their orders. I never understood why this small detail (that took no effort on my part) was such a big deal to them… until recently when I have had the displeasure of dealing with drive-thru attendants who lack this quality.

Side Note: there are NEVER any healthy options! I am sometimes even tricked into thinking something is healthy, but then it turns out to be basically a lardburger disguised by a measly piece of lettuce.

Other compliments that I would receive were about my toothpaste-commercial-worthy smile and my kick-ass personality. I always thought it was weird (again, because this job is seriously not that difficult), but I would always say thank you anyway… unless they were really creepy about it – like College Bro creepy, or even Dirty Old Man creepy.

But, now that I am on the other side of the situation, I have realized that a shining personality in the drive-thru is like the Holy Grail and is basically impossible to find; the people at the window are almost always RUDE!

I mean, I am taking time out of my day to come to your place of business and physically hand you my hard-earned money for doing your job, but I am totally wrong to do so. I should have just stayed at home and made the coffee myself; I would have saved like five bucks in the process and not been forced to deal with your minimum wage attitude. I don’t care how much money you are making, or how much you hate your job, I was always taught that a job is a job! You are being paid, and you should make the customer feel glad that they are spending their money with you and not make them regret coming to your place of business. Plus, have you looked around? At least you have a job in this economy, no matter how small your paycheck may be. 

Once again, I have been there! I did my time in the fast food business, and (even though I started when I was 15) I was grateful to have a job! I would have never treated my customers so poorly.

Ok, done with that little rant. The final thing I hate about the drive-thru is this: they never get my order right!

Here is an actual conversation about my order:

Drive-thru Guy: “Hey, what can I get you?”

Shananigans (ordering my coffee for me, since she was driving): 

“A pumpkin pie latte”

Drive-thru Guy: “Pumpkin chai latte?”

Shananigans: “Pumpkin pie latte.”

Drive-thru Guy: “Pumpkin chai latte?”

Shananigans: “Um, pumpkin pie latte.”

Drive-thru Guy: “Pumpkin chai latte?”

Shananigans: “Is that the same thing as a pumpkin pie latte?”

Drive-thru Guy: “No, they are completely different.”

Shananigans: “Oh, um, ok. Pumpkin pie latte.”

Drive-thru Guy: “Pumpkin chai latte?”

Frustration...

Procrastination at Its Finest

So... the giveaway has come to an end! I put all contestant names into a random line picker (email me if you would like more information on that) and the winner has been notified via the email provided to me (CONGRATS, April!!!). 

ALSO: if any other bloggers out there would like to host a giveaway with csn stores, email me and I can get you set up with some info :)

Thank you to all who participated! Your pictures have been posted for all to see on the facebook page! (Mostly so that I can show them off because I love them all so much!!!) And special thanks and apologies to Pooks for submitting a picture, even though my gmail account wrongfully considered her email a piece of spam and hid it from me so that I didn’t see it until this morning :( I love you mucho and will make this up to you by going to Cupz and having a coffee date with you in the near future.

To those who didn't participate: shame on you. JUST KIDDING! I understand that you all lead busy non-doodling lives (and some of you were outside of the shipping area) and I thank you for reading anyway! I also hope that you will consider participating next time - as I'm sure I will do something like this again because I really liked getting those pictures!

Now, for my new post! I am so stoked that this is my last semester of actual college classes for a while, but it is sure taking its toll on me. Essay after essay after stupid pointless essay that doesn't prove that I learned anything from my classes, only that I'm good at googling some things and bullshitting the rest... they have all added up to this post:

Drum roll please…

How to Write a College Paper:

I have had my share of undergraduate classes, and if there is anything that I have learned in my time working toward my degree, it's how to write a college paper. I'm going to share my wisdom with you now for a minimal fee. That fee is a nonrefundable moment of your time.

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that you all know that - no matter how much time you are given to write the paper - you must always begin writing it no earlier than the day/night before it is due. (I am not sure what happens if you attempt to write the paper earlier, but it must be horrible because no one ever does it.)

1. Facebook.
As soon as you get to your computer, you must first log in to your Facebook account and check to see of you have any new notifications. You may also stalk people via the News Feed, but it is not always necessary because we all know that the News Feed page is usually littered with useless information about people we barely know in the first place and their constant bragging about their mediocre lives in an effort to make them seem less mediocre (but, hey, it's more convenient than reading a newspaper, and I never have to watch sports because the highlights and scores are always posted by at least 30 people).

2. Open Microsoft Word.
Once you are comfortable with your Facebook check, minimize the page and open a new Word document. Put your name, class, and date in the header and, if you're feeling frisky, add a title. Save it, just in case your computer crashes or a bear climbs though your window, steals your laptop from you, exits out of Word, and gives your laptop back while laughing/growling with excitement over his little prank.

3. Check Email.
Minimize the document and open your email account in a new window so that you're not tempted to check Facebook, but you can still access your browser. Delete all spam, but not before laughing at all of the "hey baby", "free viagra samples", and "male enhancement" subject lines you see. Read all of those inspirational forwarded emails from Mom that you never really have time to read but decide to save for later. Become inspired. Email Mom, thanking her for the email and letting her know what you have been up to lately.

4. Open Word Document.
Realize that you have just wasted half an hour (or more, if you're a champ!) of paper writing time and promptly sign out of email. Write two-three paragraphs.

5. Be Filled with a False Sense of Accomplishment.

6. Facebook.
Notice the Facebook tab telling you about a new notification and check it out. See that it was just someone you don't know commenting on your friend's status, which you "liked" earlier, even though you knew you'd get these notifications later. Sigh and exit Facebook.

7. Snack Time.
You've been working hard, and your stomach knows it. Vicious roars are erupting from your belly and it won't stop until a sandwich has been made and eaten.
OPTIONAL: watch some TV while you eat because you can't type and eat at the same time, anyway.

8. Notice the Time and Begin Panicking!

9. Power Through.
Quickly BS your way through the rest of the required number of pages, being sure to restate the same point in varying ways, add unnecessary words or phrases to take up space, and change the font size of your periods to 14pt - if you're using 12pt for the rest of your paper - because it will go unnoticed and add nearly an entire page to your paper, depending on the current length.

10. Facebook.
Post a status about how you just made that paper your bitch.

Drippy, Drippy, Drippy

REMEMBER: the deadline to enter the giveaway is Monday night, and I have VERY few entries so far. You would have a pretty good chance of winning if you were to draw me a picture for entrance into this giveaway. I am not judging these pictures; they are merely your ticket into a randomized drawing. Good luck!

Now, for this week’s post.

I have been ridiculously busy lately and have had minimal time to doodle (sad, I know). However, this onslaught of “To-Do Lists” has somehow turned me into a deranged lunatic, because I spend so much time in my head that all of my thinking-space is being filled with ludicrous and senseless thoughts, leaving no room for the analytical processes I need in order to complete the things on my lists. For example, I have a 6-page paper due tomorrow, but when I opened my laptop this morning to work on it, I began to doodle instead. Foolishness.

Anyway, here is one of the thoughts that popped into my head the other day in the shower as I was singing children’s camp songs.

Children’s songs are pretty effed up. Like, I heard somewhere that “Ring Around the Rosie” was really about the Plague. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it’s still weird to think that children would sing such a dark song so innocently.

The song I was singing in the shower the other day seemed innocent at first, but as I got further and further into the song I realized it was pretty effed up that we would encourage children to sing this song. It goes like this:

Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap (bar of soap).

Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap (bar of soap).

I’d go slippy, slippy, slidey over everybody’s hiney.

Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap (bar of soap). 

Ok, I know that everyone uses soap (or, at least, I hope they do), but isn’t this a little risqué? Slipping and sliding over EVERYONE’s naked hiney?

No?

Well, it gets better. Here’s the next verse:

Oh, I wish I was a little mosquito (mosquito).

Oh, I wish I was a little mosquito (mosquito).

I’d go bitey, bitey, bitey, under everybody’s nighty.

Oh, I wish I was a little mosquito (mosquito).

So, not only is this person wanting to make sure that everyone is clean, now his main wish is to BITE everyone underneath their clothes?! That’s just rude. And slightly molest-y.

Still not with me on this? Here’s the last verse.

Oh, I wish I was a little tea cup (tea cup).

Oh, I wish I was a little tea cup (tea cup).

I’d go drippy, drippy, drippy, over everybody’s lippy.

Oh, I wish I was a little tea cup (tea cup).

This one takes the cake. I don’t even want to know what this person would like to drip all over our lips, but it sounds like “tea” is just a cover-up for his true intentions.

You wouldn’t let little Billy watch the DVD of this song; don’t let him sing it!

*paid for by the Campaign for Non-Molest-y Children’s Songs.

Giveaway!!!

GUESS WHAT!?!

I have good news for all of my lovely followers (in US and Canada)!!!

I would ask you to guess what it is, but I think it’s pretty obvious from the title.

CSN Stores has offered to provide a giveaway to my readers, and (since I love you guys so much) I have agreed host this giveaway! You’re welcome. If you don’t know already, CSN Stores has over 200 websites to choose from, and they sell everything from barstools to beds to bathtubs to just about anything you could wish to buy while sitting lazily on your couch eating Cheetos and watching reruns of the Simpsons… oh, wait. That’s what I’m doing.

SO…

What does this mean for me?

Answer: I get to make-a-da-rules.

What does this mean for you?

Better answer: You get to win-a-da-prize!

The prize:

A $45 one-time-use gift certificate, good to use on whatever tickles your fancy at any of the CSN Stores websites (there's over 200, so don't tell me you can't find something).

Since they can only ship to US/Canada, only the followers in those areas can win. Sorry, international friends! BUT, if you still want to participate in Rule #3 (explained below), I would receive it with open arms and a gigantic smile, and I would definitely draw a picture for you in return, if you’d like.

The rules:

Rule #1: don’t talk about the giveaway.

*This isn’t really a rule, but every time I think of lists of rules I think of Fight Club*

Rule #2 (actual rule): you have to be a follower. 

You have 2 options:

1. “follow” my blog w/Google friend connect 

(on the right side of the page click the "follow" button)

2. “like” This Freckled Lemonade on Facebook

*Doing both will not get you multiple entries – lame, I know, but I’m more concerned with the next rule*

Rule #3 (actual rule): Make me a doodle and send it to thisfreckledlemonade@gmail.com! Make sure you send it from the email address where you wish to be contacted if you win, because the winner will be notified via email from CSN Stores.

About the doodle:

I love doodling, and I love sharing my doodles with all of you, so, in return for a chance to win the prize, I want you to doodle for me.

You can use any program you want to use to doodle it on your computer (I use Adobe Illustrator, but you could use Paint or whatever you are comfortable using), OR you can hand draw it and scan it or take a picture of it. Just make sure you send it to thisfreckledlemonade@gmail.com.

Your doodle can be about anything you want! After all, it is your doodle. You could make a self portrait…

… or, maybe, a mass doodle of all of your favorite things…

… or even a random picture like one of a dog peeing on a baby in a park.

I don’t know why you’d choose to draw something like that, but I am not one to judge (obviously).

*multiple doodles will not get you multiple entries, but they will get you brownie points – which, we all know, sound delicious but have no real value*

*I will probably be putting your pictures on here at some point, so if you don’t want other people to see it, let me know and I won’t publish it on here*

To re-cap:

There is a giveaway.

You could be the winner.

All you have to do is:

Follow this blog or like the facebook page

And draw me a picture and send it to me

Now, I’m not looking for quality work here (unless you feel so inclined). (Everyone who enters will receive one entry and the winner be chosen at random.) However, I do realize that it might take you a while to finish your doodles, so the deadline will be two weeks from today, which is Monday, October 25 at midnight.

I will remind you when it gets close, but make haste, my friends! I don’t want you to miss out on this awesome opportunity, and if it were me I’d put off my homework and doodle away… oh wait, that’s what I’m doing right now.




If you have any questions, feel free to comment or email me!

It's The Shit

I am not sure why it's there, or even how it first originated, but it's been there for as long as I can remember. I can even remember it being at my parent's house when I was young, and somehow it has followed me to my own grown-up home, where it will probably stay for the rest of my life, no matter how many times I move to a new place.

Though it is consistent, it is always changing. It comes in many forms, has differing content, but it haunts me all the same.

In my family, we usually refer to it as “The Shit”. A common form of The Shit is its distant cousin, The Shit Drawer, and then of course there is its embarrassing uncle, The Pile.

I mean, at least The Shit Drawer has enough courtesy to keep The Shit inside, hidden from guests; The Pile has no decency at all as it shows off its existence to anyone within viewing range, no doubt making them think awful things about me and my organizational skills.

The Pile is easy to get rid of at first - hang up clean clothes, wash the dirty ones - but make no mistake! The Pile will return, and it might even bring reinforcements. You may have won the battle, but you have not won the war. You will never win the war.

In fact, here is a chart which I have created to represent your chances of winning the war against The Pile:

A rich person has a slight chance of winning because they can hire maids to fight their battles for them. The rest of us, however, probably have a negative chance of winning; no matter how hard we fight it, we just get deeper and deeper into a war which cannot be won.

In my opinion, The Shit Drawer holds the most random contents of all the forms of The Shit. Piles take on the contents of their surroundings. For example, The Pile on the foot of my bed is full of clothes because it's near the closet, and The Pile on my desk is filled with papers because I suck at organizing bills and such. The Shit Drawer may be in the kitchen, but you wouldn't know it by merely observing the items inside.

Here are some highlights from mine:

Colorful pipe cleaners

Mace (in case I'm being attacked in the kitchen? I think at that point I'd probably just go for the butcher knife or a heavy pan...)

A fortune cookie

A butterfly knife (I’m not sure what this is for either; the only time I have ever seen it used is when Breezy is seemingly attempting to chop off his fingers in a karate-like fashion)

Now, for your homework assignment:

What's in your Shit Drawer?