Survey Says...

In a recent poll, I asked which super power you would choose if given the rare but not entirely impossible chance to have one. Here were the results at the original poll end date:

Invisibility: 6 (win)

Time Travel: 3

Flight: 3

Super Strength: 0 (super fail)

Immortality: 1

Precognition: 0 (fail)

Telepathy: 2

Own a Power Ring: 1

Technopathy: 0 (fail)

Accelerated Healing: 1

Water Breathing: 1

Teleportation: 0 (fail)

$$$: 0 (fail)

Superman/Jackass: 1

Some of these results were shocking! (said aloud in my most scientific voice)

And I’m not sure if I need to be trained and certified or anything to label something a “fail” on the internet, but I did it anyway so any trolls out there can suck it. (said aloud in my nanner-nanner-boo-boo voice, and immediately followed by a sticking-out of my tongue)

Anyway… (and no, there is not an “s” on the end of that word – or a “z”. It’s “anyway”, not “anyways/anywayz” … so stop saying it that way) Anyway… some of these results were shocking and I’m not certain that all of the voters were fully informed on the details. (It’s happened in more important polls) So I decided to compile some information on the topic at hand.

There is a good and bad to everything, and super hero powers are included in that statement.

Here are some pros and cons for you to consider, along with answers to the question I know you’re asking: “What Would Breezy Do?”

Invisibility:

Pros:

Get through airport security, no matter what your race, without being fondled and embarrassed

Scare the fuck out of Criss Angel

Sexy Spying

Cons:

Have to walk around naked (extra creepy when sexy spying)

People might run into you (with body or objects such as vehicles)

Allergies

WWBD? Kill Criss Angel

Time Travel:

Pros:

Learn about history first hand/See the future

Ride a dinosaur

Prevent yourself from making stupid mistakes

Cons:

In the future humans are all cannibalistic wild beasts and the world is run by droids

If you showed up in ancient times wearing that they’d burn you at the stake!

Malaria

WWBD? “Go back in time to get the last word in every argument I have ever been in… ever.”

Immortality:

Pro:

Never have to worry about dying

Con:

In the future humans are all cannibalistic wild beasts and the world is run by droids

WWBD? “Gain the droids’ trust then work for them as a human hunter.”

Accelerated Healing:

Pros:

You would be a great organ/blood donor

You could be your own stunt man/woman

Cons:

People would find out about you and want to do crazy life threatening experiments!

WWBD? “Bar tricks”

Water Breathing:

Pros:

Be awesome at “Who Can Hold Their Breath the Longest” in the pool

Go searching for lost treasures at the bottoms of lakes and oceans

Cons:

Only works in water. (I know, right?!)

WWBD? “Go fishing the real way.”

Teleportation:

Pros:

Never have to be fondled and embarrassed by airport security again

Easier to lead two separate lives

Cheaper vacations

Cons:

One false teleport and you could leave a limb behind!

WWBD? “Get really fat, because I would never move again.”

Have Enough Money to Make Awesome Things (you know, like Bruce Wayne):

Pro:

You could make some awesome things

Con:

You would have to keep your identity hidden or you might lose your source of power

WWBD? “Spend most of the money on blow and hookers.”

Superman's Powers (but everyone will hate you because that's not really fair):

A: did someone seriously still pick this one, even with the disclaimer?

B: wtf is kryptonite, anyway?

WWBD? “Kill myself. No one deserves that amount of power.”

Flight:

Pros:

You could wear a sweet cape

Get places faster

Use the “Aladdin” technique on chicks and show them a whole new world

Never have to drive in rush hour traffic again

Cons:

Low flying aircrafts

No headlights for night time OR air conditioning for summer

You have to flap your arms to go, so it’d get pretty exhausting

WWBD? Nothing. He told me this choice was “dumb.” (because it’s the one I picked)

Precognition:

No one voted for this one, and I agree because you would see some pretty effed up shit! (Hi Mom. I’m trying not to say the “F” word so much like you told me I should!)

WWBD? “I would also get the first word in every argument.”

Telepathy:

Pros:

Make a lot of money as a “psychic”

Make a lot of money as the CIA’s secret weapon

Cons:

Hear when people are making fun of you in their minds

Hear when people are thinking about getting in your pants

WWBD? “Scream wildly every time I caught somebody in a lie.”

Own a Power Ring:

Pros:

Own "the most powerful weapon in the universe” which, as described in the most thorough Wikipedia page I have ever seen, will basically do anything you want it to do (even create duplicates of itself in case, you know, one isn’t enough).

Cons:

Live in fear of the color yellow

WWBD? “Create unbelievably impractical objects to use in my battle against evil.”

Technopathy:

WHY did NO ONE pick this one? You could communicate with and manipulate any piece of technology with your computer brain!!

WWBD? “Go to the internet and get all the porn… for free.”

Classy.

Super Strength:

This is perhaps the easiest to explain because the pros and the cons fit in the same doodle.

Pro:

You could lift heavy shit

Con:

You would turn into a hideous beast/man

WWBD? Throw an Elephant at Criss Angel