Monday, January 17, 2011

Grownup Approved

Growing up is a strange experience. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not at all trying to say that I consider myself a grownup. (I’m only saying that, since my 24th birthday has recently come and gone, actual adults are no doubt looking at me differently.

Though I may be almost a quarter of a century old, I don’t think that I should have to act maturely all the time. I should be able to have fun and giggle while I’m in public without having to endure the death glare of disapproval from any nearby adults.

But how?

I have come up with the perfect solution to how I can go out in public, have fun, AND be seen as a responsible adult by onlookers.

I need to rent a child.




Ok, ok. I can see how this may sound crazy, and I assure you that there is no need to cart me off the loony bin just yet. Hear me out.

I don’t really have the time to have my own child right now (you know this because I don’t even have enough time to regularly update my blog!), and I definitely don’t have the money for my own child – especially since I am now working a full time unpaid internship. Still, I could totally benefit from having a kid around once in a while, and here’s an example of why:

I love eating out at restaurants; the food is delicious and I don’t have to make it OR do the dishes. The only unpleasant part? Waiting for the food. It’s so BORING just sitting there with nothing to do. Breezy and I can’t even take part in an interesting conversation, because the kinds of conversations we have are the kind that you have to pay extra for because they are too awesome for cable television and have to be aired on HBO or FX or something. So, instead, we just sit and wait for the food, occasionally whispering crass comments about the people around us for our own amusement.

Sure, people-watching is alright, but I want to be able to color and doodle and play a goddamned game of tic tac toe if I want to, without being judged by the other “grownups” who are waiting patiently for their food while conversing about politics that they don’t even fully understand but pretend they do anyway, and the other grownups just go ahead and believe them because they are just repeating what they heard on talk radio that morning, so it sounds pretty legit. I mean, what the steaming shit am I supposed to do? Twiddle my thumbs? Play footsie with Breezy under the table? Who does those things, anyway?

I would totally ask for a pack of crayons, but I’m afraid of what I’ll look like to the other grownups.


BUT! Insert child:


I'd look like Mother of the Year, coloring with little Breezy Jr. 

10 comments:

  1. Those silly grownups are just jealous that they aren't cool enough to color in public.

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  2. Oh, you know I always keep a pen with me in my purse, and I don't see any problem with drawing on the paper placemats while I wait for my food. Seriously, just bring a pen! No one cares :)

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  3. Love your post! You're right, it's so much easier to be yourself, to be young, be silly, if you want to, and play games in public when you've got a child! That's for sure! :)

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  4. Haha! That's okay. You can doodle anywhere you want. It is really boring to wait for your food at restaurants.

    When I eat out, I don't actually doodle but I tear table napkins with my fingers and make tiny stars and hearts and stuff.

    I'm 28 y/o.

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  5. I can't wait to meet the real Breezy Jr someday ;)

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  6. you are all totally right. I'm just going to keep on doodling. Also, I have found that if you have a sangria in front of you on the table it helps to disguise your intrigue with coloring as drunken stupidity... just an observation.

    Mrs. Kelley!!! you are so cute. Some day Madison and Breezy Jr. can have a play date :D

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  7. Just be silly- who gives a damn. found you on 20sb. Have fun! I love being silly and I'm 27!

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  9. One time I got stuck at the top of the slide at a McDonald's playland trying to retrieve my son. From the outside it looked like I was peeved at having to go get him. In my mind, however, I was scheming on how I could jump in the colored ball pit without being scolded by the McDonald's minions.

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you know you want to.

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